Letting my imagination run wildly..

I shivered as I felt the sudden blast of cold air that came from the air conditioning unit; of all the days to forget to bring a jacket, it just had to be this one. How careless of me.

I made my way towards the back of the room where I sat with my friends. Until now I still don't know why we had to choose that seating arrangement since I hated being in the back, especially when the people in front of me are taller than I am. I flopped onto my seat, placed my feet on the seat in front of me, leaned back and sighed.

"Hello to you, too", someone said.

I didn't need to turn to know who said that.

"Long night? You look terrible", the voice continued to say.

This time I really did turn and face the speaker. "You can say that", I said as I leaned against my arm on the desk beside me.

I looked up and saw a girl of medium-build and fair complexion, staring at me with chocolate brown eyes, concern etched all over her face. My best friend, Angela.

"Chris came in earlier. He was looking for you", she said.

I scoffed. "Why would he? He shouldn't even care anymore", I spat out bitterly.

"What happened?" asked Angela, quickly. She moved closer and sat on the desk where my feet were propped up.

I shifted in my seat. "We broke up last night", I said dejectedly.

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an "O".

"He said that he's met someone else", I continued as I stared at the red and white tiles on the floor.

I heard her curse under her breath, which made me smile a little; but I still couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"But he looked like a mess when he showed up awhile ago", she said and I heard the confusion in her voice, which mirrored that of my own. "I mean, if he's found someone else then he should be leaving you alone".

"Maybe the girl dumped him", I said as I shrugged. "Pathetic".

"Don't be like that, Kels", my friend said cautiously. "You guys may be over, but I can see that you still love him. And I'm sure that he still cares for you."

Chris' words echoed in my head: "I love you. Never forget that.."

"What difference does it make? My feelings mean nothing to him", I said in a defeated tone.

"Whatever pain your feeling right now, it'll fade in time. Be patient", said Angela gently, as she took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. A sudden warmness spread from my fingertips to my toes; it was only then that I realized that I was feeling grateful for her. I squeezed her hand back and smiled.

"Thanks, Angela", I said, and I meant it.

She smiled back at me. "Want me to tell the others?" she asked.

By "others", she meant our other friends. We were a big group; five guys and six girls. And they were the best friends I could ever ask for. I looked past her and I saw just in time one of our friends, Lenny, come in; who walked towards us.

"I guess so. I don't think I can handle it", I said softly while smiling at Lenny as she passed us.

Angela nodded and left me.

As soon as she left, I felt tired; must be from all that crying last night. I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, because every time I did, my throat would constrict and I'd feel sick. I hoped to the heavens that I wouldn't see him later in the day, that's the last thing I want to happen. Shaking my head, I stood up; the room felt too cold and it felt like the walls were closing in on me, which unnerved me slightly, considering that I was never claustrophobic to begin with.

"You okay, Kels?" Angela called. She was surrounded by our friends; I'm certain that she's already told them, or was only about to tell them.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to get out. I'm freezing!" I said with a laugh.

She just smiled and waved before turning back to the others. I could feel their pitying gazes as I walked away from them, or maybe I was just imagining it. I greeted some of our classmates on my way out but my mind started to wander.

I sat on the stairs beside our classroom and just stared into space. It was still a good half-hour before first period so I had plenty of time to look like a retard before the real torture began.

I folded my arms and leaned my head against the railing as a few students continued to file past me. Questions started buzzing in my head before I could stop them. Who was she? How did they meet? Did they already know each other before I met him? Who made the first move? Does he think of her when he was with me? Should I have given him the chance to explain? If ever she did dump him, will I be stupid enough to take him back?

I was ready to bet that she was his classmate; since we weren't in the same course, that means different classmates. That sounded reasonable since we only see each other before and after classes, while they see each other almost all the time.

And I could imagine him making the first move; he is a guy after all. Once I had my back turned, he switched his charm on any other girl that he laid his eyes on. He's a handsome guy so I wouldn't be surprised if all the girls he met swooned over him. I secretly hoped that every girl would be afraid to get into a relationship with him, too scared that they might get replaced soon.

Wait, what was I thinking? I scolded myself for making such foolish assumptions. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself; the pain's probably making me think of every negative aspect of his in hopes that I would get over him easily. My room mate once told me that you have to be bitter to forget someone quickly. That made sense. But I can't stop feeling guilty for thinking bad things about him. I shook my head. I gotta stop acting so foolishly before I completely loose whatever was left of my sanity.

I guess what hurt me the most was that he still found someone despite the fact that we were together. To me it seemed like he wasn't totally satisfied with our relationship so he went looking behind my back. Wasn't I loving enough? Wasn't I everything that he dreamed of? Wasn't I loyal to him? Wasn't I honest to him?

Deep down, I knew that I was the ideal girl that every guy would kill to have. I know myself; I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I'd love him unconditionally, I'd do anything to make him happy, I'd stand by him even if the odds were stacked up against us. Even his friends, the people he trusted most aside from me, were envious of what we had. So what went wrong?

Somehow, I didn't want to know the answer. But if I didn't know what really caused him to bring himself to break off our relationship, then I may never have the closure I so dearly deserve. I wouldn't want to look back on this and say that I made a mistake in not letting him say anything.

Then I thought of my last question: what if he does come back to me, will I have the heart to take him back? I've thought about that last night, and I was still undecided. It's not like I was hoping for him to come crawling back to me, but I couldn't exactly strike that off from the possibilities. Part of me wanted him to take me back, but part of me just wanted him to rot under my shoe.

After his confession, that only showed me that he couldn't keep still with just one girl; he's tempted to look for others, and I couldn't tolerate that. So I guess I won't take him back. I don't know. It's just a thought, but, I still love him; I just might take him back if he showed that he was truly sincere, if he showed that he was going to change, if he proved to me that I'll be the only girl that he'll love. But at the back of my mind, I knew that it was just wishful thinking. The chances of that happening was one in a million.

I'm really losing my marbles, I thought to myself ruefully.

A cramp was starting to form on my left leg so I decided to stand up and return to the classroom. I checked my watch; there was still ten minutes before our professor arrived. Angela must be done telling the rest by now.

I glanced at the top of the stairs, half-expecting to see Chris coming down, smiling that adorable smile of his, as if nothing happened between us, that we were still together. But an image of him coming down with his arm wrapped around the waist of his new love made me choke back a cry. I was being stupid, I told myself.

With one last sad sigh, I went back inside the freezing-cold hell I called our classroom.