Letting my imagination run wildly..

My life is far from perfect. Sure, I have a great family, great friends, and all that stuff; but that's just on the outside.


I'm the eldest of four kids and I am currently an incoming college junior in one of the most prestigious universities in the country. It's hard being the eldest; everything's up to you. And don't get me started on the pressure; I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime, thank you very much. But of course, it has its advantages too. I'm my parents' "favorite" and I can get away with anything. And in some odd way, I love taking care of my siblings, so I don't really mind. I just think of it as a sort of training ground for me when I have kids in the near future.


My parents separated when I was fourteen, but they kept it from me until a few months before I turned sixteen. Turns out that my Mom was cheating on my Dad with one of her clients at work; one of her older clients, if I may add. My Dad was the one who broke the news to me; it didn't come as much as a surprise to me as he expected because he thought that I was completely oblivious to what was going on. But as he found out, he underestimated me.


I knew that something wrong was going on, but I was afraid of speaking up since I was afraid that I'd get scolded for thinking of such nonsense. I started noticing it when my Dad wasn't as sweet to my Mom like before; he'd stop calling her "Mom", he'd come home late, he'd even ignore her when all of us were together! This went on for a few months and it was then I realized that their marriage could be in trouble. Looking back on it now, I can't help but wonder, if I spoke up sooner, would things be different?


I still remember when I'd come home from school, make a bee-line to my room and lock myself in because I didn't want anyone else to see my tears as soon as I stepped inside the house. I wanted to appear strong for the sake of my then eleven-year old sister and nine-and-five year old brothers, because they were still too young to understand the gravity of the situation. I found it extremely difficult to smile when I was already dying on the inside, but eventually, I got used to it.


When my Dad finally told them, he wasn't the least surprised when he learned that they were noticing stuff, too. You could imagine my relief at knowing that; at least I knew I wasn't alone.


Right now, it's been five years since my parents separated, and two years since their marriage finally got annulled.


And me? I'm happy.


Well, in a way...