Letting my imagination run wildly..

The thing that I don't like about heart-to-heart talks is that you really have to let your guard down, just so that the person who your talking to can see the real you. Truth is, I don't like it when people know me too well; it freaks me out when others know me better than I know myself because it's like they can read even my most unconscious thoughts at the deepest parts of my brain! I'd start panicking if they suddenly know one of my secrets; that would be really scary.


I know a few people who can guess what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling just by taking one look at me, even if it's their first time to see or meet me. At first, it's impressive, but a little later, I start feeling awkward. Sometimes I feel like their eyes have x-ray vision and telekinetic powers, especially when they stare at you for the longest time. Well, scrutinizing's more like it.


There are times when I rarely say anything about myself, until the other person has spilled some of his/her secrets. That way, it would be a fair trade; I know something about him that only few people know about, and he/she knows something about me that's not known to everyone. I'm generally an open person, ask me anything and I'll give you an answer; no details, just enough to satisfy your curiosity. But, if fate wills it, if you have grown into my favor, and you have proven yourself worthy, then I will tell you anything and everything you want and need to know about me.


It's not that I'm not the kind of person who doesn't trust anybody, it's just that I'm being careful. It's hard to trust somebody, only to find out later that they've been blabbing behind your back. Once trust is broken, it's hard to re-build it again. I've made that mistake countless of times, and I don't want them to happen again; but, I have to admit, it's hard to avoid that sometimes.


So far, only a very few people know about the real me. The ones who have seen me at my best, and at my worst; the ones who have seen me break down when no one else was looking; the ones who have seen me struggle against my demons; the ones who have seen me when I was most vulnerable.


No, not my parents; all they see from me is a happy, charming and confident young woman, who, they think, they raised very well. I love them, I really do, but they don't need to know everything about me. You know how parents are, once they find out something's wrong with you, they'll make it into a big deal and that's the last thing I want to happen. I do tell them my problems sometimes, but when my problem is THEM, I don't always open up to them. It is hard to keep up that facade, but I learned to live with it.


I'm talking about some of my closest friends; my confidantes, my inner-circle. They haven't failed me yet, and I'm hoping that they never will. Since I go to school in the city, which is like two hundred kilometers away from home, their the ones I turn to. There has never been a time when I regretted telling them anything. They have been nothing but supportive and loving, and for that, I am deeply indebted to them.


And right now, looking at one of my closest and dearest friends for as long as I can remember, a million emotions rushed through me. The most dominant being gratitude, relief and love. She was the embodiment of a real and true friend. And I know that no matter what I say and do, she'll always have my back.


I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Well, here goes", I though glumly.